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[ But she doesn't want him to suffer in silence on the off chance that she could get hurt. She's a big girl, she'll do what she wants and what she wants is to help him if he needs it. What she wants is to do what she can, but sometimes he makes it very difficult.

She stays leaning close towards him the whole ride, trying to breathe, not quite touching in any respects but her hand in his because she's not sure how touch sensitive he is right now and she knows he's bruised. She doesn't want to do anything to hurt him further, but her entire body is angled towards him, almost close enough to touch but not quite Today has been long, and unpleasant, and she's fairly certain it'll have pushed her nightmares back to something regular for a little bit, and the fact that she hasn't freaked out yet is due entirely to first the need to keep him safe and then his presence.

Which makes the medics first attempt to touch her result mostly in one of them coming very close to a broken wrist, her turning to watch as the fingers of her free hand tighten around Tony's hand. ] No. [ And that's all she's saying for now, letting go of the medic's wrist but still watching. She's not okay with people touching her right now. ]

[ Well, it's the same principle she's put into play with the 'you should let me take all the punches to protect you from them because I can better handle it', so she can either acknowledge the hypocrisy or she can shut it.

He wouldn't mind her touching him, too much. He's in a weird state where even the air is starting to become a little prickly, but she is okay. She's soothing, smoothing, and while her touch, even as it stands now, around his hand, is burning him, he doesn't mind, because it's okay.

But by the time they are landing, he's firmly within his own mind, fully retreated and acting on instinct only, responsive to her touch and to being directed to this place or the other. Any pain from contact is brushed down, barely recognized unless the pain is something intentional, like a cut, a prick, or the like, at which point he will retaliate, abruptly and without mercy. It is the ultimate defensive stance, defensive entirely, but by rote of preventing the need for further defensive measures.

No one has touched him yet, because they're aware of the sensitivity but unsure as of yet how it works. But they're touching her, and through the connection he can feel that, that she doesn't like it, isn't ready for it. So he stands, moves slowly, without letting go of her at all, because she is the anchor, she is keeping him grounded, and it's her mind that reminds his own that these are friendlies, that these people are trying to help, even if that help is unwanted right now. Without that contact, he would simply destroy them.

Moving slowly, but with her, looking at her with unfocused eyes - all the motions, but nobody's home - helping her to get off the helicopter without too much worry. He hopes. Sort of. In as much as he's hoping right now at all. ]

[ She will acknowledge her total hypocrisy all day long if that's what will get him to let her take the hits and help him. It's okay, she knows that, she just - it's not that she couldn't live without him, because if she knows anything about herself it's that life goes on and she goes with it and she's not dramatic enough to think that any one person holds the only meaning in life. But if there was ever a choice between him and her, for her it wouldn't even be a choice. He matters too much.

She can't monitor his mind very well right now, but generally he's good about letting her know what's okay and what isn't in regards to touch, so she feels okay enough keeping her hand around his and her other touching him at moments to guide him along the way as necessary, flinching away from anyone else offering assistance and using him in some respects as a shield because they won't try to touch him, they at least know better than that.

The problem with being off the helicopter is that the next step is medical attention of some kind, being whisked into the building of whatever hospital it is they've been taken to. Probably the SHIELD one. And she still doesn't really want people touching her, or trying to separate her from him, or any of this. He's scaring her a little, with how absent he's becoming from his own body, with how little power she has at the moment to try to pull him back aside from just drop her shields and let his cover her as she leaves her mind open to his, weary and exhausted and concerned and desperate with need for him to be okay. She can't separate anything out right now, can only be there and keep moving towards the general area they're being shepherded to while trying to dodge concerned hands. ]

[ I doubt that will work either but it's worth a shot. It might work - it's more likely to than any of the arguments she gave him earlier, with the exception of the 'if you died i might turn into an extreme hoarders' aspect of I need you that he in turn employs directly back with her. He's the same way with her that she is with him - and in some respects it works for them. When they're all but tripping over their own swords for the other, though, there tend to be some issues.

Right now it's just autopilot until they can stop moving, because he wouldn't be able to function right now otherwise. Neither one of them is functioning very well right now at all, and if she was taking care of them on the roof and on the ride, then he's doing it at least for the duration of this walk to whatever nice, dim, quiet room is waiting them beyond the din and bustle of their arrival.

He can, at the very least, tell that she doesn't want to be touched - really anyone who looks at her probably could - and he holds her closer to himself, stares at anyone who gets too close to her, and more or less they back off. SHIELD medical is attentive and pushy, being overused to people who attempt to shrug off medical care when they actually do need it, but they're not stupid, and after a while someone with enough authority and sense orders them to be left alone by the majority and leads them to indeed that dim and quiet room. There, she does indicate that they need at least to be checked for immediate injuries, things that could require urgent attention within the next few hours, but that it would be another guide who came in to do so and that after that, they would be left to themselves to recover. ]

[ Well, that would certainly be a unique way of telling her that he needed her. It would probably work, though, in terms of convincing her, just because she has a tendency to believe him when he says things. The main problem seems to simply be their refusal to talk it over clearly.

Neither one of them is being very good at functionality at all. She's not fracturing and she's not anywhere near broken, but she's just very very tired and she wants time and space to shut down persistent memories and remember where she is and that she's okay, and this is not a place designed to give her that even if intellectually she can realize that medical care is a good idea.

But he's helping, if the staff isn't really helping at all, and she thinks she murmurs a thank you to him somewhere halfway down the halls but if she does she's not entirely certain of it, looks up at him when she sits down abruptly on the cot offered her and feels the need to say it again .] Thank you. I'm sorry. [ Before anyone else comes in to interrupt them again, before she has to lock down all her shields again because they are sending in an empath and she's not letting any such person have any chance at reading her mind at all. ]

[ Not talking about it will certainly make it difficult to squeeze that into conversation, yes.

He'll feel bad later for having effectively left her alone like this, even if he can rationalize it with the protection aspect until it won't be that noticeable.

She could probably have objected to the empath, asked them to send another sentinel instead, it's just that typically people are less objectionable to one over the other, or they prefer their own kind since they're used to it, or for the simple fact that an empath around people who are clearly not doing so well on a non-physical level can be more helpful. The sentinel would be able to more quickly discern injuries, but the empath can help calm things down. Of course, that totally doesn't work when it's the mind that you're more wrapped up in, but. Protocols.

He's not ready to sit down just yet, because there's too much movement and commotion outside the door, even if it's quiet and isolated in here, and she's still off-kilter and he still doesn't feel safe. So he's standing, watching the door more or less, listening to one string of sounds for a few minutes here and there and switching to another once the first is deemed nonthreatening. When she talks though, he looks over at her for a few seconds. He doesn't give her much by way of response, but he did hear what she said. It's just a few seconds though, and then he moves back to keep watch.

The empath who comes in is nice - quiet, calm, keeping his thoughts to himself but trying to project calmness and other things like that, things that should be what they need right now. His manner is effectively what one would expect from an orderly or a nurse, or someone used to handling people who happen to be in shock. After it's confirmed that neither of them have anything immediately life-threatening, he leaves some water and shows her how to call for help or anything they need and leaves again as long as she doesn't have anything she wants to ask. ]

[ Conversations about important things, how does that work? Certainly not like this, because she's watching him and he's watching nothing and listening to everything, he's just not answering and she's already apologized once. She's not doing that again. Mostly because she's not sure she can, really, when if the same situation presented itself again her reaction would probably mostly be exactly the same, if she'd try to avoid the part where she got mad at him immediately afterwards.

She doesn't particularly feel like talking to anyone right now except maybe Tony, if she thinks she can do that without fucking things up further. She really, really doesn't want to fuck things up further. But an empath is understandable, she just refuses to let anyone see any part of her mind but Tony. Nobody else gets that sort of insight to her, and the moment she can feel the Guide coming in she effectively shuts down, shields like a vise cutting her off completely. She can tell the Guide knows what she's doing, doesn't approve, but she's letting him investigate her injuries. Or at least staying rigidly and absolutely still as he checks, but that counts, right. That's enough.

Finally he leaves, and Max breathes out for what feels like the first time in a while. She's been watching Tony the whole time, and her gaze stays fixed on him because she needs to know that he's here and relatively okay. That's important. That's really the only important thing, now. There's silence for a long moment, and then she stands up and picks up a glass, fills it with water and offers it to him, not saying anything. She's not really sure there's anything to say. ]

[ He heard her the first time anyway; asking her to repeat herself beyond that would just be reaching, and likely for something that isn't there.

Tony is similarly cooperative as he's looked over for injuries, standing still, letting himself be sat down on the edge of his own cot to be properly looked over. While his shields are up and on full alert, they're directed more towards her than himself right now, since he doesn't have anything remarkable at the moment to keep hidden. It's half and half that any Guide not used to interacting with him right now wouldn't get past the sensory overload in the first place. But he, too, is deemed out of immediate danger, and the Guide points to the blankets in the room to make sure he knows where they are in case the texture of the cot bothers him in a little while.

Back alone, and he finally starts to feel safe again. He takes the glass of water from her, watching the surface of it shiver slightly in his hand. After a few seconds, he moves a little, sitting down on the cot again. The shield over both of them wavers slightly as he starts to calm down in earnest, starts to come back to himself. He starts to try and talk, stops to clear his throat. ] Are- You okay?

[ The comedown's going to be unpleasant. That's the first thing she's really aware of thinking, when the Guide points out the blankets, the first thought that's crossed her mind in a bit that she's had any conscious effort towards, and she turns to pick one up almost automatically after he takes the glass of water, turning it over and over in her hands. What now?

The question takes her a little by surprise, turning to look at him blankly. ] Sure. [ It's a lie, the response that comes most naturally to her, but a moment later she zones back in a little more fully, shakes her head. She doesn't like lying to him. She's not supposed to lie to him, she told herself she wouldn't a long time ago. (Omitting the truth is different.) ] I will be. [ A shrug, not quite as nonchalant as she'd like to be able to pull off. ] Might take a little bit, but. How are you?

[ At the moment he still doesn't seem like he's paying a whole lot of attention to any one thing at a time, but that doesn't mean he wasn't annoyed and then grateful for the way she instinctively replied and then corrected herself. The surface of the water is still what he's looking at, mostly, even after he sips from it. He sort of makes a face, even if it's a slight one, afterward, and sets it down on the floor by the leg of the cot. Maybe he'll try it again in a little while.

He takes a few seconds even after that to reply, and when he does it's fairly simple, given with little affect. ] Worried. [ He doesn't like the comedown, doesn't like doing it himself or watching her do it in her respect. He never knows quite how it's going to go, how long it'll last, how deep it will be. ]

[ It's hard sometimes to shake old habits, but for him she's actually willing to put in an effort and that's - well, it's certainly something. She's not willing to evaluate that right now, nor has she ever really been.

But at that answer she looks at him a little closer, moves over towards him and leans her forward against his, resting her hands as lightly as she can on his knees. ] We're good at this. It'll be okay. [ Soft and quiet, and if she's not entirely sure how okay it's going to be none of that doubt is in her voice. ]

[ He doesn't back away from the contact, but he's not moving into it either. It's unclear whether it's because it's uncomfortable already or if he just hasn't shaken the distance his mind put between itself and the rest of him enough yet. ] We're not both usually doing it at the same time though.

[ She's just going to stay here for the moment, until he informs her that it's not okay or he needs space or her not to be touching him or something, because normally this is helpful to both of them. ] Do you trust me? [ Not answering that directly yet, because there's no way to directly address that that doesn't sound pretty pessimistic really. He's right, they usually aren't, and they're going to compound each others problems right now.

What she should do is go and let them both recuperate without the distraction of each other, probably. But the thought of not being able to be certain of his presence is at best massively unsettling. ]

[ Well that's a stupid question. ] Of course. [ It doesn't really change the fact that they're both going to come down at the same time and his control over his shields is going to be minimalist at best and her control isn't going to be much better and the ambient sounds, noises, smells, &c. are going to drive his emotional state up the wall and her emotional state won't be able to take it and she'll have to stay away or try and force him to handle it and they really ought to be separated if they're both going to have this problem. They ought be given a different Guide and Sentinel respectively until they can get through the worst of it. It'll be uncomfortable, but it'll be better than what they're about to try and do on their own. ]

[ She nods a little bit, hands on his knees tightening into fists as she tries to regulate her breathing. It's pretty obvious what should happen here, what would keep them both safest mentally. She knows what's the smartest and the safest choice for both of them, and he trusts her to do the right thing. He trusts her, and she cannot let that down. He is what's important here and she cannot help him right now, can't do almost anything to help him pass this stage because she's barely holding back her oncoming meltdown. Her baggage can't get dumped on him.

She doesn't want to do this alone. Not again. That's what's keeping her hands on him, her eyes closed as she tries to believe she can just stay here. But she knows better, and if her voice is a little shaky when she speaks it's as steady as she can make it. ] I'm going to go now. They'll send in that other Guide, he seemed nice. Steady. [ He was part of SHIELD, he'd be used to somewhat unusual assignments. ] I'll come back. As soon as we won't be hurting each other.

[ He has so many instant negative responses to that idea. His hands rest on her knees when she says she's going to go now. They tighten as she continues talking. He knows it's the best idea, the only idea that will allow them both to function, but he still doesn't like it. ]

W-we'll make a deal. [ His voice is husky, quiet, and quick. ] Feel better, go f-find the other to help, okay. Deal? [ Because once he's better he knows he's going to want to go find her, help her himself, just like he'd prefer having her help him than anyone else should she get herself under control first. It might be a selfish request, he's not thinking clearly enough to know, but it's reassurance he needs right now. ]

[ Yeah, her entire response to the suggestion she herself made is nothing but negative. Intellectually she knows it will be better for her alone, but emotionally (and she is at this moment almost entirely a creature of emotion barely holding herself in check with logic) there is nothing more terrifying than the idea of leaving him right now. Him holding onto her isn't helping. Then again, nothing's really helping now. ]

Yeah. [ One sharp nod, a slow breath out. ] Deal. [ And that's that, because if she doesn't leave right now she won't. She lifts her hands from his knees to his face, for a split second uncaring that it might hurt, and presses her lips to the top of his head for a long moment before stepping away and moving towards the door as fast as can still be called a walk. ]

[ It's okay he doesn't really care that it hurts right now either - it's far from the worst sensation he's got going on right now either way. He appreciates the idea of it, likes the contact even if it doesn't really help things physically, because it doesn't need to help things physically, that's not the point of it. But as she does move, he lets go of her, lets his hands drop back into his lap, forces himself to watch as she leaves and is grateful she doesn't look back, because that would have likely meant that suddenly neither of them were okay with the process again. This is the best idea, here. This is what makes sense, even if it defies all instincts in the process.

also okay are we going to describe like, what they do individually or skip to the next stage or combine them or have a new thread for that or
i'm cool with continuing here there's only (hah) 77 comments in this thread so far, and sort of describing how things go a little bit and putting them back together relatively quickly. ]

[ She's smart enough at least to know that looking back would keep her here too. A lot of things would simply keep her here. She pauses outside long enough to inform the nurse the Guide will be needed again, and then she keeps moving and ignores the nurse's call for her to stop, breaks into a run as soon as she turns the corner because she needs the repetitive motion of it, the way it forces her to keep her breathing even and gets her far away from here.

She finds herself on the roof eventually, which she thinks must be because someone up top said she was allowed to. She's good at ducking security, sure, but this is a SHIELD building and she's unprepared and hardly at the top of her game.

But that's the last truly coherent thought she has for a little bit, because that's about when her shields and her organization and her walls finally just fail the way they've been threatening to ever since she left that place and her mind essentially whites out. She finds a wall to sit down against and tilts her head to the sun so she can at least feel that, a mild help because it's proof she's outside, and she lets herself stop trying to think at all until some of this fades away and leaves space for starting to reorganize.

The first true thought to come back, eventually, is the driving need to be sorted enough to find Tony. It's going to take a while to achieve that, she thinks, but it's motivation to at least start to try to solve the mess her head has become. ]

[ I maintain that that was not at all what their deal was and as soon as he isn't in a vaguely dissociative state he's going to be angry with her, on top of all the reasons they already irritated each other so far. It's going to be an interesting day, when they get back home.

But right now he's taking advantage of her leaving to let himself curl up even further, to attempt to fall onto the cot until he touches it and realizes that that is actually a horrible idea, that he ought to just curl in on himself and try to force everything down. He used to do this by himself before he met her - it shouldn't be that difficult to do it again, right?

By the time the Guide returns, Tony is more or less sitting on the cot with his legs pulled up to his chest and his head resting on his knees, blocking out as much as he can and attempting to at the very least focus on the things that aren't as bad. The constancy of the reactor's hum, the feel of it. He's attempting to ignore smell and taste entirely, because a medical area is never the best for either of those, and sight is closed to the inside of his eyelids and the dimness of the room. At some point he's vaguely aware of the Guide pulling at his senses, coaxing maneuvering him into a more relaxed position, using the blanket and cleaning him up a bit of the dirt and dried blood, but he's more or less similarly out of it for a little while. ]

[ That is super what their deal was in her opinion because she never said that she was going to get another Sentinel, never said that she was going to ask for any help. She wouldn't want to. In some respects having someone other than him around right now would be the opposite of helpful, even. So she thinks she's abiding by their agreement perfectly well.

Except she's not - she won't go back to him unless she's sure she can shove everything far enough down that she can help him. How she shoves it down doesn't matter to her, if she can just bury if she can finish dealing with it some other time, delay the problem, but she's having trouble even managing just walling it up right now. Her eyes may be open, but it's pretty clear that she's not really receiving any input from them or much of anything right now, stuck fairly firmly in her own head and the slow, slow drag back out.

She just needs to fix this a little and then she can find Tony and it will be okay. Things are okay with him around. ]

[ It's hours before he feels okay enough to take over on his own again. He hasn't been with the other Guide that whole time - ...almost all of it, but he's had a very careful bath and changed into some sort of SHIELD issued gym outfit. They have enough Sentinels employed to have something that doesn't irritate his skin even with it still being overly sensitive, and he doesn't even mind that he's a little bit too hot - it has long sleeves and is enough to keep idle contact from driving him back up the walls.

Naturally, the first thing he does is try to find her. He can tell more or less how long it's been, and when he asks what room she's in, he's directed upstairs. Actually he's directed somewhere that gives him a moment or two of pause. It's not that it doesn't make sense, it's that the way it's phrased, the way that's all the information given, makes it sound like that's the only place she's been.

Of course, when he gets up there and finds her, it's obvious that this is true, and his initial irritation is only overcome by the fact that he can tell she's still not okay. ] Hey, hey. [ Sinking to first his knees, then to sit on his heels in front of her, reaching out for her hand, or something, even as he reaches out with his own very recently patched mind. ] Look at me, okay.

[ She's not nearly as aware of the progression of time right now as he is. She's concentrating on shielding herself, thoroughly and firmly. Once it's locked down to just her mind and not a loose broadcast of everything in her head, that's when she can finally start to organize a little bit. It's still a roaring mess and she's got a long ways to go, but she has it all in her own mind. She prefers that, even if forcing everything into a small cramped space is technically not the best idea.

By the time he makes his way up to the roof she's sitting cross legged against the wall, hands resting palm up on her knees. Her meditation might not be doing so great, but the repetitious nature of the mantra is helping a little.

It takes him reaching out with his mind for her to focus on him, glancing down at his hand and then up at him. It might not be great focus, but she definitely sees him now. Shit. She'd wanted to get to him before he had to come looking for her. How long has she even been up here? ] Tony. [ She clears her throat and shakes her head, keeps her shields firmly up. ] You don't want in there. [ Meaning her head and everything associated with that. Is she good enough to fake it yet? She doesn't think so. ]

Yeah, I probably don't. [ His bedside manner is a little. Uh. Brisk, at the moment. Maybe his irritation wasn't quite so overcome as he thought, but that doesn't stop his hands or mind from being as gentle as they can manage right now. He would prefer to not be outside right now, to particularly not be on a roof, but he's not taking her back inside until he can be certain she can handle other people, and right now he doesn't even think she's handling the presence of herself very well. ] But I'm not going to let that mean anything. I thought you were going to get help? This isn't help.

[ Even if she won't let him in, it doesn't mean he can't still extend himself around her, try and alleviate the pressure at least, give her shields a little bit of a break. ]

[ Brisk is fine, she's only registering things on the most basic of levels right now. That they are said, that he's present. Much more than that is hard. She generally doesn't tolerate herself very well, because she doesn't particularly like herself, but normally she's able to keep going regardless. Right now is - unpleasant.

But at that she blinks up at him, confused, shakes her head a little. ] Said I was going to get the Guide for you. Not me. [ She can hold onto his hand, she'll allow that, and her grip might be a little tighter than she intends but she loosens it after a moment, remembers he's probably still sensitive. ] Are you okay? [ She can focus on that, on the slight relief his additional support is adding if she's not comfortable yet with the idea of letting him see the mess her mind currently is. She generally has it together when he's in her mind. ]

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this setup got complicated quickly

they are exceptionally complicated people

THEY ARE god they're ridiculous; also i hope this is cool idk

so fucking ridiculous i can't even and yes it totally is

\o/

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