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[ Yeah, her entire response to the suggestion she herself made is nothing but negative. Intellectually she knows it will be better for her alone, but emotionally (and she is at this moment almost entirely a creature of emotion barely holding herself in check with logic) there is nothing more terrifying than the idea of leaving him right now. Him holding onto her isn't helping. Then again, nothing's really helping now. ]

Yeah. [ One sharp nod, a slow breath out. ] Deal. [ And that's that, because if she doesn't leave right now she won't. She lifts her hands from his knees to his face, for a split second uncaring that it might hurt, and presses her lips to the top of his head for a long moment before stepping away and moving towards the door as fast as can still be called a walk. ]

[ It's okay he doesn't really care that it hurts right now either - it's far from the worst sensation he's got going on right now either way. He appreciates the idea of it, likes the contact even if it doesn't really help things physically, because it doesn't need to help things physically, that's not the point of it. But as she does move, he lets go of her, lets his hands drop back into his lap, forces himself to watch as she leaves and is grateful she doesn't look back, because that would have likely meant that suddenly neither of them were okay with the process again. This is the best idea, here. This is what makes sense, even if it defies all instincts in the process.

also okay are we going to describe like, what they do individually or skip to the next stage or combine them or have a new thread for that or
i'm cool with continuing here there's only (hah) 77 comments in this thread so far, and sort of describing how things go a little bit and putting them back together relatively quickly. ]

[ She's smart enough at least to know that looking back would keep her here too. A lot of things would simply keep her here. She pauses outside long enough to inform the nurse the Guide will be needed again, and then she keeps moving and ignores the nurse's call for her to stop, breaks into a run as soon as she turns the corner because she needs the repetitive motion of it, the way it forces her to keep her breathing even and gets her far away from here.

She finds herself on the roof eventually, which she thinks must be because someone up top said she was allowed to. She's good at ducking security, sure, but this is a SHIELD building and she's unprepared and hardly at the top of her game.

But that's the last truly coherent thought she has for a little bit, because that's about when her shields and her organization and her walls finally just fail the way they've been threatening to ever since she left that place and her mind essentially whites out. She finds a wall to sit down against and tilts her head to the sun so she can at least feel that, a mild help because it's proof she's outside, and she lets herself stop trying to think at all until some of this fades away and leaves space for starting to reorganize.

The first true thought to come back, eventually, is the driving need to be sorted enough to find Tony. It's going to take a while to achieve that, she thinks, but it's motivation to at least start to try to solve the mess her head has become. ]

[ I maintain that that was not at all what their deal was and as soon as he isn't in a vaguely dissociative state he's going to be angry with her, on top of all the reasons they already irritated each other so far. It's going to be an interesting day, when they get back home.

But right now he's taking advantage of her leaving to let himself curl up even further, to attempt to fall onto the cot until he touches it and realizes that that is actually a horrible idea, that he ought to just curl in on himself and try to force everything down. He used to do this by himself before he met her - it shouldn't be that difficult to do it again, right?

By the time the Guide returns, Tony is more or less sitting on the cot with his legs pulled up to his chest and his head resting on his knees, blocking out as much as he can and attempting to at the very least focus on the things that aren't as bad. The constancy of the reactor's hum, the feel of it. He's attempting to ignore smell and taste entirely, because a medical area is never the best for either of those, and sight is closed to the inside of his eyelids and the dimness of the room. At some point he's vaguely aware of the Guide pulling at his senses, coaxing maneuvering him into a more relaxed position, using the blanket and cleaning him up a bit of the dirt and dried blood, but he's more or less similarly out of it for a little while. ]

[ That is super what their deal was in her opinion because she never said that she was going to get another Sentinel, never said that she was going to ask for any help. She wouldn't want to. In some respects having someone other than him around right now would be the opposite of helpful, even. So she thinks she's abiding by their agreement perfectly well.

Except she's not - she won't go back to him unless she's sure she can shove everything far enough down that she can help him. How she shoves it down doesn't matter to her, if she can just bury if she can finish dealing with it some other time, delay the problem, but she's having trouble even managing just walling it up right now. Her eyes may be open, but it's pretty clear that she's not really receiving any input from them or much of anything right now, stuck fairly firmly in her own head and the slow, slow drag back out.

She just needs to fix this a little and then she can find Tony and it will be okay. Things are okay with him around. ]

[ It's hours before he feels okay enough to take over on his own again. He hasn't been with the other Guide that whole time - ...almost all of it, but he's had a very careful bath and changed into some sort of SHIELD issued gym outfit. They have enough Sentinels employed to have something that doesn't irritate his skin even with it still being overly sensitive, and he doesn't even mind that he's a little bit too hot - it has long sleeves and is enough to keep idle contact from driving him back up the walls.

Naturally, the first thing he does is try to find her. He can tell more or less how long it's been, and when he asks what room she's in, he's directed upstairs. Actually he's directed somewhere that gives him a moment or two of pause. It's not that it doesn't make sense, it's that the way it's phrased, the way that's all the information given, makes it sound like that's the only place she's been.

Of course, when he gets up there and finds her, it's obvious that this is true, and his initial irritation is only overcome by the fact that he can tell she's still not okay. ] Hey, hey. [ Sinking to first his knees, then to sit on his heels in front of her, reaching out for her hand, or something, even as he reaches out with his own very recently patched mind. ] Look at me, okay.

[ She's not nearly as aware of the progression of time right now as he is. She's concentrating on shielding herself, thoroughly and firmly. Once it's locked down to just her mind and not a loose broadcast of everything in her head, that's when she can finally start to organize a little bit. It's still a roaring mess and she's got a long ways to go, but she has it all in her own mind. She prefers that, even if forcing everything into a small cramped space is technically not the best idea.

By the time he makes his way up to the roof she's sitting cross legged against the wall, hands resting palm up on her knees. Her meditation might not be doing so great, but the repetitious nature of the mantra is helping a little.

It takes him reaching out with his mind for her to focus on him, glancing down at his hand and then up at him. It might not be great focus, but she definitely sees him now. Shit. She'd wanted to get to him before he had to come looking for her. How long has she even been up here? ] Tony. [ She clears her throat and shakes her head, keeps her shields firmly up. ] You don't want in there. [ Meaning her head and everything associated with that. Is she good enough to fake it yet? She doesn't think so. ]

Yeah, I probably don't. [ His bedside manner is a little. Uh. Brisk, at the moment. Maybe his irritation wasn't quite so overcome as he thought, but that doesn't stop his hands or mind from being as gentle as they can manage right now. He would prefer to not be outside right now, to particularly not be on a roof, but he's not taking her back inside until he can be certain she can handle other people, and right now he doesn't even think she's handling the presence of herself very well. ] But I'm not going to let that mean anything. I thought you were going to get help? This isn't help.

[ Even if she won't let him in, it doesn't mean he can't still extend himself around her, try and alleviate the pressure at least, give her shields a little bit of a break. ]

[ Brisk is fine, she's only registering things on the most basic of levels right now. That they are said, that he's present. Much more than that is hard. She generally doesn't tolerate herself very well, because she doesn't particularly like herself, but normally she's able to keep going regardless. Right now is - unpleasant.

But at that she blinks up at him, confused, shakes her head a little. ] Said I was going to get the Guide for you. Not me. [ She can hold onto his hand, she'll allow that, and her grip might be a little tighter than she intends but she loosens it after a moment, remembers he's probably still sensitive. ] Are you okay? [ She can focus on that, on the slight relief his additional support is adding if she's not comfortable yet with the idea of letting him see the mess her mind currently is. She generally has it together when he's in her mind. ]

[ It's good she isn't paying much attention to it, because his face just hardened a little. It was almost entirely due to what she said, but her grip did hurt, and he didn't quite hide it entirely - he's a little better off than she is, but he still rushed what he was doing. ] Advance warning: I'm going to be mad about you and that little argument once you're back in the state of mind to give me a good argument over it. Right now I feel like it would be lacking in satisfaction. [ He throws aw much of his own shields around her as he can, looping them around and around right up next to her own, shoring them up, even, if hers are in too much danger of falling. If she doesn't want to show him, fine, he's never cared about that except once or twice. But he'll be damned if he's not going to do whatever he can to help speed this process up a little. ]

I'm fine. [ Which is more or less (my god i use this phrase a lot suddenly) the truth. He is fine, right now, he's got everything at the very least within upper-but-manageable levels. He won't be fine in a little while, but that's not something he needs to divulge. That'll probably become obvious when it happens. ]

[ That gets him another confused blink upwards, because what, she doesn't see what in there there is to be mad about. Unless he means the argument they already had? That's probably worth being mad about, she's still mad about it a little. It's just hard to tell right now, she'll be able to sort out how she feels about it better later. ] Okay. Advance warning. [ But oh, okay, those shields are actually really nice, like. Way nicer than she was expecting, and she kind of sighs out and sags a little, tips forward until her head is resting against him. ]

Sorry. I can do this, it's okay. [ What exactly she's trying to tell him there isn't really very clear, but it's somewhere between he doesn't have to stay and that it won't be too long until she can at least fake it enough to fool him and keep her going until she can sleep some of it off. ]

[ He's not going to bother trying to clarify things just yet. There's plenty right now that needs to be seen to and that's not one of them. Instead, he lets her rest on him, holds her up and offers some more support and puts anything that might be uncomfortable about this out of his mind. Not uncomfortable because of her or anything - things like the scent of her blood, the scratchiness of her jacket. ] You can do it, I don't disagree with that, but you should let me help anyway. I don't have anything else to do, okay, you gotta give me something to do here.

[ Probably the smartest move here, because trying to clarify anything would probably result in very blank stares on her side. Things seem fairly black and white to her right now, and what's white is rather skewed. She forgot she should have taken a shower before she saw him again. Forgot a lot of things really. There's a long silence, a pause dragged out by how long it takes her to weigh how much she trusts him against how much it scares her to have even the possibility of hurting him. ]

Okay. [ It's just that simple word and she opens up a little bit, lets him into the parts of her mind that she's started locking down, things packed back under lock and key where they belong. The rest of it is still nearby and heavy in its presence, but she's not willing to let him into it. Not the worst of things, because he can't sort it out for her and therefore he doesn't need to be exposed to it. His presence alone is helping more than she had thought possible, really. ] You're already helping, though.

[ Well, they probably are going to hurt each other a little bit right now. It's just another thing they're going to have to deal with as a result of everything that just happened. Both of them seem fairly accustomed to the idea of hurting people they care about; it doesn't make it any more palatable, but at least it's not a brand new experience to handle.

He waits while she deliberates, just continuing what he was already doing and trying to brace himself in the chance she agrees, work out what he'll do and how okay he'll be if she refuses again. But when she does, when she opens up even that little bit and lets him in, he's an oddly calm presence soaking into the spaces she's left open. If she were in his mind - and he doesn't know if she can sense it right now regardless, since they're so close and she seems so hyperaware right now - it wouldn't be this calm. It would be frenetic, jostled and bustling, a little buzz like electricity and the slight sense of uncomfortable potential shock as a result. That's really nothing too out of the ordinary - it's usually at least the first three anyway. But this is one area he's oddly good at compartmentalizing for, projecting or producing one outward idea while possessing a different internal one. A lifetime of interviews - he can't school his face as well as he probably ought to, but he can direct his energy. ]

Yeah, you know me. Gotta be proactive. Hands-on.

[ She knows that it is more or less unavoidable right now, no matter which way she chooses, but that doesn't mean she's quite come to terms with it. She hasn't fallen apart on anyone like this in years and years, hasn't had anyone important enough to make it worth the help. She doesn't think she much likes this aspect of how close they've become.

The rest of his mind is there too, and it might have been overwhelming in the bustle of it but she's concentrating on the calm he's providing, taking it and centering herself around it as her breathing slows to something more even and modulated. It's surprisingly effective, an anchor in a storm and maybe she should have expected that, should have just said yes right away, but she didn't want him to have to do this for her. ] 'm sorry. [ Mumbled against his shoulder as she drinks up everything he's giving her, takes the respite to slam things back under lock and key where they belong. ] I'll take a shower. Clean off the blood. Just a minute.

[ Well, in his mind she still hasn't fallen apart on him - she might have fallen apart, but it was neither when he needed her the most nor when he was there to suffer the consequences. They might be close, but he doesn't consider one person's limitations to then therefore directly influence the other. Of course, his views on his own limitations are a little different, but they're not so different. He doesn't blame himself - entirely - for not having been able to help her. He would have tried to help her before they separated, had they both decided that was the best option. If they had been anywhere but here, in a SHIELD base with capable people who understood the situation, then it's likely that it would have been the better option, but as it stood.

She seems a little more coherent, a little bit better, but he isn't going to let up what he's doing until she actually tells him she doesn't need it anymore, and when he stops he can tell that she's telling the truth. Until all of those stipulations are met and satisfied, he is going to keep doing as much as he can for her, as much as she'll accept, and he'll hold her in return as much as she'll allow. ] Whenever you want to. I've smelled worse. [ Technically. This is worse in terms of the context, but he's smelled worse in terms of sheer odor. ]

[ She has fairly strict categories of what she's allowed to do and how she should be around people, most born out of necessity, and sure he's broken down a lot of those but some of them remain because she's simply not had to address them yet. This is one of those. She doesn't want to affect him right now, but she can't particularly avoid it, and she strongly dislikes that. And if she ever finds any blame in his mind for not having been able to help her, well, that'll make that argument coming even more fun, because she suggested leaving and she walked away. This is, if it's anyone's fault, entirely hers.

A very shaky some kind of laugh at that and she shakes her head slowly. Very slowly, that's an unpleasant sensation. But the grip of her hand is turning into something more regulated, not loose because she's forced it to be but a more normal looseness of consideration for his senses, and the extent of what she's letting him see is spreading as she uses the calm he's giving her to settle things away for dealing with much, much later. ] You're not doing a very good job of being mad at me.

[ He's doing his best to keep it to himself, that train of thought, specifically because he doesn't want her to know about it. He doesn't consider this the fault of either one of them (not really, anyway. mostly), and he doesn't want her thinking he does at all, in any way. He doesn't want her thinking he thinks it's her fault, and he doesn't want her thinking he thinks it's his fault; he wants the blame placed squarely on the shoulders of the people who took them both, made them both suffer for no worthy reason, and he definitely wants her blame there most of all. His own he'll work on squirreling away to the right place later on.

He's also not going to say anything one way or the other about her grip loosening, because it did hurt, and he's glad she's letting up, but if she needs to hod tightly onto him, he's not going to refuse her the right. But as she lets him see more, he spreads his influence, touching what he can, surrounding what he's not allowed to see with bubbles that hopefully at least abate some of the sensitivity, some of the pain. He doesn't think that whatever it is that he's doing here - because this is all instinctual, and rationaled; he has no idea what he's actually doing right now - is going to be a permanent nor even the solution. She won't be fixed until later, nor will he. But they can at least both aim for functional right now. That'll be plenty. ]

I'm saving it for later. Getting angry with you now defeats the point.

[ Them she's pretty pissed at, already. Frankly in a lot of respects she's glad she killed them. It's something she has no intention of saying out loud or admitting to, because she still finds killing a difficult topic. It's just that - they hurt him. They hurt her, too, but they'd hurt him and they deserved nothing but pain in return for that. So most of the blame she does lay on them, but for this right here, this moment - for that she's far more inclined to lay the blame on herself right now. Maybe things will seem more reasonable later. Who knows.

It's been so long since she's had a Sentinel to do this with that she'd entirely forgotten how surprisingly effective they could be, despite the lack of empathy except as relates to Guides. It's seemed like the natural choice for a long time, to isolate herself and do it alone, but right now she's having to rethink that a little because the anchor of his mind and the intent he's putting behind this is working. She can do functional. With him, she can at least hit functional. And that'll be enough for now. ]

Generous of you. I'm - I'm good to move. [ And she means it. There's a lot still to fix, but if he's still nearby she'll be all right to move somewhere more comfortable for him, be able to keep it together and also keep working on fixing this. Maybe soon she'll be able to check his mind, see how well he's been patched up, see if she can't give him something in return. Maybe. ]

You sure? [ He'd really like to move, but he doesn't want to risk taking her back downstairs if she's not actually ready. He's fine for a little while longer out here, he knows that. He's not in danger yet, but she. He hasn't ever had to pull her back like that before. He hasn't ever had the chance to pull her back like that before, and he wonders for a split second if that has been happening every now and then this whole time and he just wasn't aware of it. More things to talk about.

Honestly he's sort of surprised whatever he did worked. He doesn't know if that was instinct or intuition or intimate knowledge of her being, but he's glad that it did work. He'd just like to know the how of the whole thing for later. ]

Because I'm okay, we can stay here a little while longer until you're more secure, if you need it. [ Rebounding and perpetuating the same cycles over and over again doesn't seem like a great idea. Get at least one of them in good shape and then the other can follow. ]

I'm. [ A pause as she tries to make certain that she is sure, that she doesn't actually need more time, because being sure of anything is a little hard right now. Her head isn't that great of a place. And oh boy, isn't he just thinking about all the fun questions to ask her today. She doesn't really want him to ask that one.

She's a little surprised herself, that he figured out some way to help her so well, but then he does know her very well, and she has become very used to using his presence as an anchor of sorts. It was easy to seize on the feeling of his presence again, and then he'd worked at it, and it was really helpful. ]

I don't know. Maybe. It can't be comfortable out here for you. [ Mumbled a little against his shirt, and he's changed, they gave him Sentinel clothes, that's nice. That's good, she should go get changed too and clean up and wear something it doesn't hurt him to touch, so that she's not bothering him. ] I think I'm good to move.

[ He is at least not going to answer it while they're on the roof. They'll both get at least that much time to put it off, although he's going to get quite curious about it probably fairly shortly.

It's probably the combination of knowing her well and a natural ability to fix things. Not that she needs fixing, but simply that the process is somewhat similar, in the manner by which he approaches most obstacles. But regardless of how it worked, he's happy that it did.

He shifts a little bit, because it's... not, but he's still pretty sure he's in better shape than she is right now. ] It's not that bad. I've had worse. [ Which is a fairly horrible attempt at levity, but. It has the benefit of at least being true. He would prefer to be inside though, with her cleaned up and any potential injuries seen to. He is himself bandaged up, and he's not totally happy about the way the adhesive tugs at his skin with certain movements, the elastic in the wrapping, but it's on the way to feeling better and for the moment he doesn't have the energy to be the poor patient his temperament would prefer. ] We're just gonna stand up then, okay? Let me know if you're not good.

[ She just has so much fun when they actually have serious conversations, everything's so delightful.

Right now she wouldn't really mind him calling it fixing her. It's a phrasing that normally she finds really repugnant, just because of the connotations to it, the way it tends to make her feel a little less human, a lot more like a resource that needs protecting. With him it's different. He's trying to help because he cares about her. With him fixing is a positive thing, something she can accept right now easily. ]

Don't remind me. [ She didn't handle this relatively short happening very well, if she thinks about him having had worse right now she's going to want to kill people again. He is probably in better shape than her, but she's okay to be around people a little, she thinks. Enough to get pulled together physically, and then she won't be bothering him just by her presence, and showering will give her a little bit longer to gather herself and then she'll be with him and they'll be able to help each other. It's all going to be fine. She nods, doesn't try to respond to that out loud because she's concentrating on hauling herself up with his help, stumbling a little but overall okay. Her hands spread out for a moment, to demonstrate that she's more or less stable on her feet, but return to him almost immediately. ] I'm still good.

[ Wow, delightful. He doesn't think he would have ever gone that far.

He stands up with her, slowly, at her own pace, because he's not really having too many problems with movement right now and the slow is okay. He waits for her to get to her feet, to steady herself and test standing without him, to come back and grab a hold of him and then tell him that she's okay. She's still okay, and his senses - he still can't completely turn them off, there's a buzzing under his skin, behind his eyes - indicate that this is the truth. He believed her anyway, but the subconscious affirmation is nice to have regardless.

But he lets her hold on to him however is best for her, whether that's holding on to his arm or with his arm around her shoulders, or what, and slowly starts to take them back down to their current room. She still needs to be checked for injuries, although he's sort of doing that as they go. If she doesn't have any, they can be switched to one of the overnight rooms the agents stay in. Just the pair of them, but it's isolated, quiet, soft, and would be just the two of them and whomever happens to be sleeping nearby. He'd prefer it, but she needs to be okay first. Really okay, not whatever kind of medium okay this happens to be at the moment. ]

[ Well, you know, when going for sarcasm go for the gold.

Right now lying is still the thing that comes first to her, most easily, but she knows telling the truth with him is important, even if right now she couldn't articulate precisely why it's so important. Just that he trusts her, and therefore she has to tell the truth. So she's only saying things she means, and if she's not great she is at least all right enough to go downstairs, supported in fair part by his arm around her shoulders and her arm around his waist.

There's nothing spectacularly wrong with her, or at least nothing she would consider particularly bad. The gunshot graze on her arm and the cut on her face from that last strike with the pistol she'd incited are the worst of it, really, everything else just bruising. It hurts, but it's nothing that needs more than cleaning in her opinion. But she supposes those two things do need to be sorted out, especially as she's just left them more or less exposed for hours. ] Don't go? [ A quiet request as they near the room where she knows the nurses are waiting to check her over, because she's better and people aren't going to crush her but she still - she wants him near. She's never liked hospitals much at all. ]

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